I'm just going to warn you now... this is pitiful. It is true... but pitiful. This wouldn't be an honest journal if I didn't include some of the unlovliness in my own self. I want to be able to look back and see God carry me through my wallowing pity party.
I was going to share a play by play of my day, but after I typed it out I thought it really wasn't necessary so I deleted it. The long and short of it was...
I began thinking only of myself.
The end.
I tried to regroup several times during the day but I really needed time to fight with myself and I couldn't do it. I managed to take a walk after supper. I argued with myself. I argued with God. God always wins. He sent the rain during my walk. He washed the tears away before I reached home.
I left saying why me... I came home saying why not me. Why am I not the one picking up pieces of shattered dreams, destroyed homes, or missing people. My attitude needed changing.
309. My house is still standing - unlike so many in the south
310. My children are healthy - children fill hospital beds
311. My children are all tucked in their own beds - some have no home, no one to love them... others are taken away from thier homes by force or an untimely death
312. I live in freedom - some fear death every. single. day.
313. I have a husband who loves me - many women are abused
314. I have never lacked for shelter, food or clothing - these basic needs go unmet all around the world
315. I only have debt on my house - some live in financial bondage
It is a short list this week as I try to regroup. Please tell me I'm not the only one pitiful enough to be so selfish. I am so blessed by so many gifts every day and I sit and pout about some undone school work and a fussy toddler...seriously. That. Shouldn't. Happen.
3 comments:
Yes, you're human. But you know what? I see your heart in this post, and it's in the right place, and it's huge.
Hugs,
Anne ♥
You're definitely not the only one, my dear! But you know, how would we recognize the blessings if we didn't occasionally get all pouty and then stop to COUNT them all? {{{{HUGS}}}}
I hear you... I could have written this very same post.
((((hugs))))
That's why this is encouraging, when feeling down and sorry for one's self, then to remember and count the blessing, our outlook can change and the sun will again begin shine. :)
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